[INTERVIEW] Meeting with Angélique, sexytherapist
Angélique, aka @sexytherhappy on Instagram, defines herself as "Sexytherapist" by helping women live a more fulfilling sex life. We met her to discuss female pleasure.
Smoon – How did you become a “Sexytherapist”?
Angelique - A few years ago, I experienced an absence of sexual feelings. I didn't understand why, and I couldn't find answers to my questions from psychologists or doctors since I didn't have any particular medical problems. My personal research on the subject led me to discover the work of Layla Martin, a renowned intimate coach in the United States, who had a healthy and uninhibited approach to sexuality. That's when I discovered Yoni's egg! For those who are not familiar with the subject, it is a semi-precious stone egg that helps to tone the perineum and by extension to rediscover certain sensations. Layla's approach, which is simple, fun and practical at the same time, allowed me to use the egg consciously by integrating it into my regular routine (a bit like a sports practice after all!).
This practice was a revelation for me and made me want to go beyond my personal practice!
I therefore followed for 18 months a training in coaching on the sexual and romantic field, directly in the institute of Layla in the United States. There I specialized in psychocorporal sexuality, and more specifically, on the impact of emotions on the sexual fulfillment of women. But also on the specific method of Layla Martin on the use of the egg of Yoni. Finally, I completed my career with training at the Institute of Sophrology in Paris to acquire complementary techniques.
Today, I receive women online and in my office in Clichy (92) with one desire: to help women live a fulfilling sexual and love life by reconciling body, mind and ass!
Is it common to have a loss of pleasure in women?
Yes, and more than you think! According to a study*, 59% of women have already simulated in their life, even worse, 34% of women dare not talk about the fact that they cannot reach orgasm with their partner. There is a lot of shame and embarrassment around the absence of pleasure and not enough caring space to talk about it without complex. The absence of pleasure can be very frustrating and we can even go so far as to think that we are abnormal if we do not feel pleasure, whereas very often it is enough just to find the source of the blockage.
*“Ifop study for Online Seduction carried out by self-administered online questionnaire from January 18 to 21, 2019 with a sample of 1,210 people, representative of the French population aged 18 and over.
So learning to have an orgasm, is it possible?
Imagine that yes, it can be learned! So of course, you have to go at your own pace. First of all, any medical cause must be ruled out, as they require specific care from a doctor. If there are no medical causes, then the learning takes place in several stages.
There are 4 tricks that can help to access Nirvana:
First there is a whole part of discovery and eroticization of the body.
Take the time to sensually and sexually explore the different areas of the body to discover what gives pleasure. And, not only the sexual organs! There are many other elements to take into account such as the context in which the desire develops or the relational scheme.
Moreover, if you are looking for a didactic way to discover techniques for accessing pleasure, the "Oh My God Yes" platform, which is a bit like the Netflix of female masturbation, is a must!
Then, you have to take the time to explore the emotions surrounding sexuality.
Is there shame or embarrassment around pleasure and eroticism? Is it embarrassing to express to one's partner what one wishes? Or a form of fear of too much pleasure? Are there other more complex links such as a negative experience around sexuality?
Answering these questions is an essential step! Do not hesitate to approach a professional to find the help you need.
Finally, learn to let go and relax and by working on your breathing.
Practicing conscious breathing is key! Breathing oxygenates the body which allows it to relax. The more we will pay attention to the absence of sensations and try to feel an orgasm, the more we will be in the analysis of the feelings and the less in the feelings. Clearly, during the act you have to detach yourself from your thoughts.
And of course, practice the yoni egg regularly with specific exercises! It is, in my opinion, the most powerful tool for developing feelings and sexual pleasure.
What are the effects of the yoni egg?
It all depends on how you want to use it!
The Yoni egg, established in a daily routine, allows first of all to reconnect with one's sex, to be aware of it and to observe the sensations outside of any sexual performance. In itself, this approach allows you to get to know yourself better, to be more connected to your pleasure.
By combining breathing exercises, relaxation and toning of the perineum, it helps to develop libido and sexual pleasure. The vagina being a less sensitive area than the clitoris, the egg gently stimulates little explored erogenous zones.
Personally, I noticed that some problems had been able to disappear, in particular the lack of lubrication.
Finally, the egg can be used (in addition to medical treatment) to relieve certain disorders such as vaginismus, penetration pain, period pain and endometriosis. Obviously this is not a miracle method! It should in no way replace medical treatment.
Is it dangerous?
No, if used consciously!
Of course, you have to choose a quality egg. I advise my patients to choose “Jade Nephrite” because it is the only stone that is non-porous and therefore more hygienic. It is important to clean it before and after each use and not to keep it too long! Practices of 10-15 minutes are more than enough. Keeping it too long can create tension around the sexual organs and increase the risk of toxic shock.
There are a few situations in which it is not recommended to use it: during pregnancy, during menstruation and during a temporary infection. Apart from these cases, there are no particular contraindications.
Your tips for developing sexual pleasure? Clearly, how to find pleasure when you have lost your feelings?
I will recommend two techniques for reconnecting to the body!
The first is self-massage of the breasts, which allows you to develop self-love and gently reconnect with your body.
For 5 minutes, take the time to massage your breasts by making circles: from the outside towards the inside of the chest for 2 minutes, then in the opposite direction: from the inside going up towards the outside. Finish by moving the breasts gently to circulate the lymph.
It's quick and easy ! You just have to pay close attention to your feelings.
The second tip would be to practice conscious breathing: by putting one hand on the heart and another on the lower abdomen or sex. Begin by taking a deep breath in through your nose and a long exhale through your mouth, simply observing your sensations and the beating of your heart. Start again 5 times imagining that this breathing descends to the level of sex to simply connect to your sensations without judging them or analyzing them. While knowing that an absence of sensation… is also a sensation!
This very simple exercise allows you to develop relaxation and gently work on letting go.
How do we make an appointment?
It's very simple, contact me on Doctolib and if you want more tips, subscribe to my Instagram account @sexytherhappy. It's a private account where you can talk about sex freely!